Home » Mental health » It never goes away

It never goes away

Or at least that’s what it feels like. Today I woke up feeling down. My psychologist says that recovery is not a straight line uphill. That just because I feel a bit better one day, doesn’t mean I won’t have a sad day the next. No shit. Right now my good days are still few.

Anyway, I woke up down, so I made the effort to do things that would make me feel good (or at least okay). I went for coffee and had a nice latte. I shopped a little. I picked out new eyeglasses.

Still felt shitty.

Took a nap.

Still shitty.

Forced myself to do laundry and make the bed.

Still shitty.

It’s always there. The tears might not come,  but the sadness, that I can rely on.

Oh, and “sadness” is the most unsatisfactory word. There is no word that indicates the total sadness,  loss of joy,  and hopelessness that is depression. The word “depression” doesn’t even cover it.

Screw you,  dictionary. Screw you,  depression.

FYI: I’m new at this blog stuff and am just figuring out links and stuff.  This blog by Christy is good. http://sweetandsavoring.com/

The blog “Hyperbole and a Half” by Allie is the best description of depression on the entire Internet.  Thank you Allie, for putting it into words for me. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/

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3 thoughts on “It never goes away

  1. Sounds like despite feeling shitty, you’re doing a lot! Picking out a new pair of glasses is so daunting to me that I’ve been putting it off for months. You’re right, there really is no word to properly convey how being depressed feels.

    Thank you for mentioning me 🙂

  2. Allie does a great job explaining it. Her drawings sum it up nicely too. What adds insult to injury concerning depression is that you might not look broken. People see all the good stuff in your life and don’t understand how you can feel the way you say you do. You may even get the impression that they think you’re just being selfish or whiney. But then you do have friends who have experienced it, who do understand. Just plain sucks. You will survive this.

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