Second psych consult tomorrow. I feel like puking, I’m so nervous. Of course that’s part of the anxiety I have about pretty much everything. I feel the depression is really lifting, but I’m terrified it’s going to come back. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. One often leads to the other. In my case, I’ve been anxious since childhood. But the depression didn’t come until much later. Now I’m 35 and I’ve had four major depressive episodes. The more often you have them, unfortunately, the more likely they are to return, even without warrant.
So tomorrow I see the psychiatrist, and see if he tells me anything different. I do not want to wait my life out, waiting for the next episode. I want the depression and anxiety under control. I am working on the ruminations with my psychologist, but I know I need meds. My mind just won’t quiet with all the worries, going round and round like the proverbial hamster wheel.
I’ve been on some form of antidepressant for the better part of ten years. Sigh. God that sounds bad. But without them, I fear I would be much worse. So I’ve come to accept the pills.
Let’s see what the good dr says to me tomorrow.
Meanwhile, one week on the super duper iron pills from hell and I’ve puked three times. Fun.